I met this child and her parents in my office two weeks after her preschool teacher had told her parents that she "would quickly stop soiling once she learned that no one was going to help her clean up." The teacher also recommended that the girl be given a backpack to take clean clothes to school and soiled clothes back home. Not surprisingly, this girl was very unhappy and was having even more trouble with soiling than she did before.
My first order of business was to speak directly to the teacher to explain encopresis. For children with encopresis, soiling is not a choice.
Parents of children with encopresis (functional constipation) get this kind of advice from all sorts of people: friends, grandparents, daycare and preschool teachers and even healthcare professionals. This “rub her nose in it” advice is based on two erroneous assumptions:
- She is able to control when she poops.
- Her poop accidents are intentional.
Following this kind of advice inevitably causes shame and embarrassment especially in the classroom. And, as any parent with older children knows, once teasing begins at school it is difficult to stop.
Telling a preschool child with encopresis to clean herself up without help is almost always perceived as punishment, and, as I explain in my book, The Ins and Outs of Poop, punishment is almost always counterproductive. It becomes especially punitive when the accident is large and messy. While I think it’s good to have children HELP with the cleanup as much as they can (e.g. by dumping their poop into the toilet and/or by flushing), they should not be made to do it all by themselves.
Poop accidents can be eliminated through a combination of laxatives and POSITIVE incentives, but most critical is your attitude and willingness to help the child, as well as the attitudes of those other adults she admires and looks up to.